Do I look fat in this car?

Back in my Convent high school days, where the German nuns taught us the Queen's language, the word used to describe one's backside was just that...backside.  Fast forward 20 odd years to English of today a.k.a. SMS-speak and the reference for one's backside is booty (if one is being polite).  Rewind once more to a time when people actually aspired to speak coherently, and you'll find that the word boot, referred to either winter footwear or the luggage compartment of a vehicle, (the word booty simply didn't exist), so perhaps I should forgive the look of confusion I was recently given by a barely-out-of-his-teens car salesman when I asked about my test car's boot and his eyes lingered on my derrière.  It went something like this:

Just-started-shaving-car salesman: So you see Ma'am, (Ma'am -  is he calling me old or trying to be polite) the car has all you need for a family trip.
Ma'am (me!), I've decided he's going for polite : I'm not convinced it has the necessary space I need for all our things.   I need a bigger boot.
Him: Your boot is just fine.
Me (glaring): I beg your pardon?
Him: Your boot Ma'am, sorry I was just paying you a compliment...but the boot of the car is also big enough.
For the record, I pulled myself up to my full height (all of 1.57m that I am) and proceeded to educate the young man on professionalism and the appropriate use of the English language in the workplace, whilst  cheerfully making a mental note to keep up with the lunges.   

But alas, it is that time of the year again isnt it, when we are all thinking about the holidays, packing and long distance driving and up until now, your car's boot has only had to carry groceries, school bags and sports kit.  Now the acid test of whether or not the confined space within the  family car can indeed live up to the manufacturer's promise and comfortably contain the kids, dog and luggage is about to be proven.

Its only during holiday season that one develops a real appreciate for storage room and as each member of your family presents their essential holiday luggage do you wonder why on earth they measure boot space in terms of litres?  This is when every mother in the country should return to the dealership and ask the salesman to liquidize the family's luggage and repack it into the 480 litres of boot space as per their glossy sales brochures.

Getting packed is just the start of the excitement, the long drive to your 'keeping up with the Kunenes' in-laws is the second reason you may need to reach for the aspirin, so don't forget to pack a medicine bag containing something for each family member.  Do include rolls of toilet paper as well as wet wipes, which also double as serviettes and an oil dipstick cleaner.

Another essential bag every family car should have is a full emergency kit which should include tyre changing equipment, flashlight (preferably with batteries which work), jumper cables, car phone charger, disposable camera (in the event of an accident, no one can argure with photographs) and a red reflective triangle.  Ladies, in that oversize handbag of yours, carry the emergency numbers your husband is too macho to admit he needs, such as roadside assistance, insurance, family doctor and lawyer.  

If your car does not come equipped with entertainment for the kids, you might want to consider packing books, puzzles and fun educational games such as sudoku (to minimize SMS-lingo) and....... earplugs (sorry not applicable for drivers).  Short of doing yoga on the side of the road, the other best way to mentally check out is by having silence.  Son's videos games too loud? Earplugs. Daughter's music getting on your nerves? Earplugs. Husband's constant droning about other bad drivers? Earplugs. Baby crying? Ok, feed him.

Something many travelers don't do nowadays is to carry a packed lunch.  I agree, it's much cooler to pull into one of the eateries at the main fuel stations, and if you are into greasy food cooked in recycled oil then you'll hit the jackpot every time.  But as any calorie conscious woman would know, eating healthily will keep every family member's sugar levels normal minimizing unexpected surges in energy levels.  Pack fruit instead of sweets, pretzels, popcorn and nuts in place of chips, and whole grain snacks.

In planning your actual traveling times do factor in bathroom breaks.  Fathers are infamous for not wanting to stop when on a long drive, but ladies, gently remind The Stubborn One, that it is unhealthy to hold it when one needs to go, and that he too can develop urinary tract infectiosns from sitting for long periods of time.  That ought to end any argument and bring the car to a quick halt!