Do I look fat in this car?

Back in my Convent high school days, where the German nuns taught us the Queen's language, the word used to describe one's backside was just that...backside.  Fast forward 20 odd years to English of today a.k.a. SMS-speak and the reference for one's backside is booty (if one is being polite).  Rewind once more to a time when people actually aspired to speak coherently, and you'll find that the word boot, referred to either winter footwear or the luggage compartment of a vehicle, (the word booty simply didn't exist), so perhaps I should forgive the look of confusion I was recently given by a barely-out-of-his-teens car salesman when I asked about my test car's boot and his eyes lingered on my derrière.  It went something like this:

Just-started-shaving-car salesman: So you see Ma'am, (Ma'am -  is he calling me old or trying to be polite) the car has all you need for a family trip.
Ma'am (me!), I've decided he's going for polite : I'm not convinced it has the necessary space I need for all our things.   I need a bigger boot.
Him: Your boot is just fine.
Me (glaring): I beg your pardon?
Him: Your boot Ma'am, sorry I was just paying you a compliment...but the boot of the car is also big enough.
For the record, I pulled myself up to my full height (all of 1.57m that I am) and proceeded to educate the young man on professionalism and the appropriate use of the English language in the workplace, whilst  cheerfully making a mental note to keep up with the lunges.   

But alas, it is that time of the year again isnt it, when we are all thinking about the holidays, packing and long distance driving and up until now, your car's boot has only had to carry groceries, school bags and sports kit.  Now the acid test of whether or not the confined space within the  family car can indeed live up to the manufacturer's promise and comfortably contain the kids, dog and luggage is about to be proven.

Its only during holiday season that one develops a real appreciate for storage room and as each member of your family presents their essential holiday luggage do you wonder why on earth they measure boot space in terms of litres?  This is when every mother in the country should return to the dealership and ask the salesman to liquidize the family's luggage and repack it into the 480 litres of boot space as per their glossy sales brochures.

Getting packed is just the start of the excitement, the long drive to your 'keeping up with the Kunenes' in-laws is the second reason you may need to reach for the aspirin, so don't forget to pack a medicine bag containing something for each family member.  Do include rolls of toilet paper as well as wet wipes, which also double as serviettes and an oil dipstick cleaner.

Another essential bag every family car should have is a full emergency kit which should include tyre changing equipment, flashlight (preferably with batteries which work), jumper cables, car phone charger, disposable camera (in the event of an accident, no one can argure with photographs) and a red reflective triangle.  Ladies, in that oversize handbag of yours, carry the emergency numbers your husband is too macho to admit he needs, such as roadside assistance, insurance, family doctor and lawyer.  

If your car does not come equipped with entertainment for the kids, you might want to consider packing books, puzzles and fun educational games such as sudoku (to minimize SMS-lingo) and....... earplugs (sorry not applicable for drivers).  Short of doing yoga on the side of the road, the other best way to mentally check out is by having silence.  Son's videos games too loud? Earplugs. Daughter's music getting on your nerves? Earplugs. Husband's constant droning about other bad drivers? Earplugs. Baby crying? Ok, feed him.

Something many travelers don't do nowadays is to carry a packed lunch.  I agree, it's much cooler to pull into one of the eateries at the main fuel stations, and if you are into greasy food cooked in recycled oil then you'll hit the jackpot every time.  But as any calorie conscious woman would know, eating healthily will keep every family member's sugar levels normal minimizing unexpected surges in energy levels.  Pack fruit instead of sweets, pretzels, popcorn and nuts in place of chips, and whole grain snacks.

In planning your actual traveling times do factor in bathroom breaks.  Fathers are infamous for not wanting to stop when on a long drive, but ladies, gently remind The Stubborn One, that it is unhealthy to hold it when one needs to go, and that he too can develop urinary tract infectiosns from sitting for long periods of time.  That ought to end any argument and bring the car to a quick halt!

What's the truth about e-tolling?

Ok, I'm confused.  Last month Gauteng motorists were told Transport Minister Sibusiso Ndebele had put a stop to all tolling of national roads.  Then, early last week Sanral announced that motorists could start buying Gauteng electronic tags  as e-tolling would go live in Gauteng in February 2012.

Now the transport department claims that it was in fact putting a stop only to future road tolling projects to allow for public consultation, e.g., Cape Town, and that phase one of the Gauteng Freeway Improvement Project would be going ahead as previously planned.  This means that in February 2012, the 42 electronic toll gates already erected in Gauteng, will be fully operational, (no exact date available at this stage). 

E-tags will be available from Checkers, Pick’nPay, Shoprite, customer service outlets in Gauteng malls or customer centres along the Gauteng e-road.  But I somehow doubt motorists will be queuing up to buy them though, especially as people feel that without them,  it will be difficult for authorities to track them down and penalize them.

However, before you go the popular  COSATU route and boycott the system, be aware that motorists still have to register their vehicles with SANRAL, or buy a day pass. It will be a criminal offense to use an e-road without an e-tag, oh and get this, government has suddenly found the manpower and resources  it requires to have 24 hour police patrols stationed along the routes to apprehend those who don't comply.  I don't know how I would feel about being the subject of a high speed chase over the non payment of 40c,* whereas there are victims of rape all over the country whose perpetrators are out on bail because the government does not have the resources to maintain the country's DNA database. 

An e-tag will cost R50 per vehicle and will be available to order online at www.sanral.co.za, or by calling the e-toll call centre on 0800726725. 

* Proposed charges are 40c a kilometre for light vehicles
R1 for medium vehicles.
R2 for heavy vehicles and 24c for motorcycles.
Qualifying commuter taxis and buses will be exempt.

The South African Motoring News in Brief......

You've got to love South Africa and the times we live in.  No two days are the same and each week serves to highlight the glaring gaps in almost all aspects of our colorful country.  For instance,  why do you think traffic on N1 (highway between Johannesburg and Pretoria) was affected when the  ANC Youth League walked all the way to Pretoria recently? The answer is simply because we do not have sidewalks or pavements.   Surely if we had pavements the economic freedom fighters a.k.a marchers could have shared the road with all other economic freedom fighters a.k.a. motorists as we collectively we went about fighting for our financial emancipation? 

On a serious note though,  I hope all those who walked wore good shoes because the lesson therein for motorists is in ensuring your car's tyres are well maintained.  It wouldn't be surprising to learn that the protestors developed bungeons, and  similar to bubbles on your tyre they are unsightly, and could lead to bigger problems and whilst bung eons might become a life sentence to unflattering health shoes, a bubble in a tyre might well just end your life.  Check your tyres, particularly after a drive on an even road, or after hitting a pothole and have the tyre replaced immediately.  Think of it this way, the car's tyre is equivalent to the shoes we wear on our feet.  If your shoes are worn, the likely hood of slipping and falling is high, and could have embarrassing consequences, but if your tyres are worn, the consequences are more severe and could be life threatening.  When the sole / heel of our shoes need replacement, we logically take both shoes, so that they are even when we wear them.  Similarly, when replacing worn tyres, the minimum number of tyres we should replace at any one time is 2, the difference being that the 2 tyres on each axis should be changed at the same time, meaning : either the top front tyres or the two back tyres and NEVER the two on either left or right hand side; that would be like tying your ankles together then expecting to be able to walk.  

In other colorful news, our President recently pulled the car mat from under the well heeled feet of our police commissioner, BC, otherwise known as Bheki Cele when he suspended him from duty,  (suspended ala Oxford Dictionary not 'allegedly').   After months of spluttering like a car with faulty spark plugs each time Thuli Madonsela revved her findings,  BC must have felt like a flat car battery; in urgent need of jumper cables.    Speaking of which, as we approach the holidays, now would be a good time to ensure your car's battery won't let you down.    An easy way to check the battery is to do a visual check of the battery terminals. With the car engine switched off,  inspect the battery's terminals, which should be clean,  and without corrosion buildup. If the terminals have some corrosion, a simple way to clean them is to use a steal brush and a can of Coke.  Make sure that the car is turned off and that the battery is disconnected first.  Simply poor some of the Coke on the terminals and let it settle for a few seconds; then take the steal brush and start scrubbing. This will remove the corrosion and increase the electricity flow - meaning you’ll get a good cranking voltage.

In the weather report, the summer rains are finally upon us, and the only sound louder than a taxi driver's horn is the welcome sound of thunder.  Now would be a good time to check the effectiveness of your car's wiper blades.  They should make full contact with the windscreen at all times, and dispense with the rain water as effortlessly as the happy looking housewives advertising multi surface cleaner in television commercials.  The  only time it is acceptable to use the word streaky is when ordering bacon and if your wipers are doing a streaky job, be like Elton Jantjies and give them the boot. 

Whilst on the subject of sports,  congratulations goes out to the Golden Lions for their victory over Nemo, previously known as the Sharks.  John Mitchell's boys epitomised a well oil machine which in motoring terms could be likened to checking your car’s engine oil, which is one of the simplest and most important maintenance activities.    Running an engine without oil will cause the engine to seize then you won't be going anywhere.    Identifying an oil problem before it damages your engine can save you thousands of Rands in repair costs.  The best time to check your engine’s oil is when the engine is warm to the touch. To check the oil, locate the dipstick; (not your boss or husband) labeled as “oil.” Pull the stick out and wipe the oil residue off the end. Replace the stick and pull it out again; this time look at the end of the stick that was in the engine. Make sure the oil level is at the “full” line, (or on the 3rd / 4th notch on the dipstick).  If however, the oil level is significantly below the line, take your car to your nearest petrol station for a top up.  Make sure the oil is clear and fluid, not black and jelly-like. If it is black and jelly-like get to a mechanic immediately to check the engine. 

My Top 10 Pet Motoring Hates

Am I the only motorist who wishes they had a sjambok in their car?  Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating road rage, and do not condone it under any circumstances.  But lets be honest, the way some motorists drive makes me want to give them a smack, all in the name of loving correction of course.  Here is my list of top 10 drivers I would love to give a hot klap (I hope you are not one of them!):

1.  Motorists  who straddle lanes
The lines on the road are not decoration.  They are there to define which side of the road your car should be on.  When motorists drive slap bang in the middle of both lanes they are demonstrating that they didn't have coloring-in books as children.  Go to any crèche and you will find children vigorously coloring-in outlines of everyday household objects.  Whilst it might seem like child's play, it really is an early driving lesson and one life which will come in handy as a motorist.  If you are unsure about your abilities in this department, either colour in something out of your child's book or watch out for  irritated drivers hooting and trying to get around you on the road. 

2. Frustrated Djs
Motorists who roll down all the car windows, then pump up the volume of their car radios to the max are simply annoying.  You have no right to subject me to an outdated rendition of Lost Without You by Boyz To Men, and I'll have you know that i have a radio in my car too, but to revert to the basics ofnthe English language, the word YOUR music in YOUR car is for YOUR listening pleasure and is not OUR music in YOUR car.  Give us a break people please and keep your music preferences to yourself.

4. Late birth control users
 Parents, when you do not strap your children into their seats, what exactly are you thinking?  Do you really need to be told that it is dangerous or are you making a public declaration that the birth control you were using wasn't effective?  Your kids don't look cute hanging out of a moving car window and will less cute decapitated.  Strap them in or leave them at home, but I think it should be law that motorists can klap drivers who allow this.

5. Unfit motorists
There is certain type of driver who feels compelled to overtake you, then slow down in front of you as if they ran out of petrol!  If I were a guy and your car was clad in form fitting jeans perhaps I wouldn't mind, but as my only view is metal and tail lights, I don't understand what the purpose of this is.  Someone please enlighten me.

6. Curb crawlers
We've all had to drive behind the guys who holds up traffic by driving at a snails pace because he is openly gawking at women pedestrians.  Gentlemen, its unsavory and makes you look like a sexual predator.  With so many women walking on the road, it's a wonder these guys ever get to their destination!

7. Cowards
Men who are intimidated by women who drive bigger and more expensive cars than their own, then call you derogatory names because they don't want to believe you could actually work and buy your own wheels.  I know a lot of my sisters are reading this and agreeing with me and if you are that one male reader who just went 'nxxxxxxa!' in disgust, then I'm talking to you.  Instead of being mad, appreciate a hard working sister.  Who knows, she might even give you a sympathy date......

8. Haters
Ladies who hang around my car hoping the driver is a nice guy, then get irritated when they see me.  These sisters are easy to spot for a mile away.  They chew gum with their mouths open, stand strategically near the driver's car door and their plastic hair extensions shouldn't be in the sun for too long.  Stop hating gals; if its any consolation, I test drive cars for a living so I get all the fancy wheels.  Besides that, if you are selecting eligible men based on the size of the debt of their cars then your issues are not for discussion on this platform.  Seek professional help.

9.  R.Kelly Wanna-be's
Petrol attendants who mack women when we go to fill up- dude, what could you possibly have to offer?  No disrespect,  but at best you have  a bicycle, and even then, you are too unfit to ride it to work.  Perhaps if you could get petrol at staff discount your lyrics might be a hit with one or two ladies, but asides from that I just don't see the fit.  Sorry!

10. Sexually over confident
We've all had the misfortune of seeing them, yes, guys (and women) who urinate on the side of the road.  There was a time when that sort of thing was unheard of and if you needed to answer the call of nature, you did so discreetly, behind a tree or bush, but not in these times..... Motorists and passengers can be seen relieving themselves - sometimes into on coming traffic without a care.  If you need to go, and there aren't any amenities in the vicinity, then by all means, into the bushes you go, but do us all a favor and retain your dignity.  Having said that, whenever I have seen someone doing this, I always make a silent wish that something could jump out of the grass and bite your delicacies! (just being honest).

All time pet hate has to be driving behind a bakkie-load of labourers who seem to amuse themselves by humiliating the lady driver directly behind them with their vulgar innuendos, whistling and gesturing, causing other motorists to turn and look at the poor woman. The worst part is that in most instances, she would be too much a lady to gesture rudely back at them, even though her vehicle would be stuck behind theirs, without anywhere to go.  If  I did carry a sjambok in my car, I would smile seductively, gesture for one of the labourers to hop out of the bakkie, pull up along side him and sjambok him mercilessly on behalf of all the women who have ever been subjected to this type of humiliation.

The REAL reason men don't ask for directions

Adult humor asks the question: why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?  Answer: because they won't stop to ask for directions.

When I first heard this I realized that what made it so delightfully funny was that it went straight to the heart of why men hate admitting that they are hopelessly lost.  I have yet to meet a man who can admit that he is lost.  In fact, most men I talked to said even when they didn't know where they were going, they were not lost.  A statement which left ME completely lost!

In spite of the nagging of frustrated wives the world over, nothing seems to have been able to change this aspect of a man's nature, which got me thinking. Perhaps asking why men don't ask for directions is the wrong question. Maybe, just maybe, the correct question needs to be why should men ask for directions?  This led me to a scientific epiphany that I believe will earn me fame, fortune and maybe even the Nobel Peace (in marriages) prize.

The real reason men don't ask for directions is because they are genetically designed not to. Let me explain, by first going back in time, to pre-historic days and examine the roles between men and women in that era. Men were hunters and women were gathers.  

As gatherers, women were rather successful.  After all, they generally looked for things which didn't move about.  Bushes of berries generally tend to stay in one place, hence all the gatherers needed was verbal communication to give other gatherers on how to get from the camp to the harvest, (whilst pointing out interesting landmarks such as flowers in bloom along the way).  This could be why us ladies talk as much as we do, use our hands frantically when giving directions and remember landmarks more easily than we do street names.

On the other hand,  hunters needed a more complex understanding of their surroundings, because as they stalked their prey, they had to know not only where they were, but also were their prey was; unlike berry bushes, the hunter's prey had a pesky little  habit of running for its life.  Therefore, silence was vital  if they were catch their dinner, and stopping to ask for directions would have been counter productive.  The humiliation of being served yet another bowl of berries was simply not an option. So there it is, men don't ask for directions because they are genetically designed to seek out their destination in silence.

But seriously, in South Africa, asking for directions is downright dangerous, and sounds the alarm to all and sundry that you are a stranger in the area, something which end very badly for your family.  In all fairness ladies, when your man is driving round in circles, it could just be his way of keeping you safe!

Only through dogged determination and wrong turns can man make new discoveries, and without their errors we might not have the Discovery channel!   Think about it.  When Christopher Columbus had to explain to his wife that when he left home he didn't know where he was going and that when he got there, he didn't know where he was.  By the time he got home to tell her that he didn't know where he had been, she had packed up the kids and gone to her mother's.  This is probably round about the time someone invented maps.

But jokes aside gentlemen, next time you are lost, remember that it's costing you money.  Research in Britain shows that men drive an additional 444 kms per year trying to figure out where they are.  Of the 1000 participants, 26% men admitted to having driven for 30 minutes before seeking directions, while 12% flatly refused to ask for help.  By contrast, 74% of women ask for directions and 37% said they pulled over immediately realized they were lost.

So men, a word of advice, Google your destination or use GPS! It will save you time, fuel and loads of money. 

DE-FROSTING YOUR WINDSCREEN

If your car has to be parked outside overnight, & there’s a layer of ice on the windscreen in the morning, don’t use hot water to get rid of the ice. Hot water will guarantee that you damage the windscreen, especially if you have cracks/chips which will only increase in size if in contact with hot water. (Small cracks or chips in a windscreen are sensitive to sudden heat changes and a can quickly increase in size if they are subjected to a sudden change of temperature).

Rather use a scraper, an old bank card or a plastic knife, remove the ice. Use the air conditioner to demist the interior of the windscreen. When driving in cold conditions don’t use your windscreen sprayers, coz the water from the reservoir will freeze onto the windscreen and the wipers will not be able to clear it from the windscreen.

Also, check the condition of your windscreen wiper blades and replace them even if they’re cleaning the glass but are a little streaky.  Wiper blades must be in good condition and need to be inspected regularly, only the edge of the wiper blade should make contact with the windscreen and not the entire rubber body of the wiper blade.

As the driver, you need to be able to see clearly out of the windscreen at all times, so take care and drive safely!

What do Real Men Drive? Maual or Automatic Transmission?

Back in the day men used to drive manual transmission largely because automatic transmission was considered a driving aid for women.  However, in today’s fast paced world, men have swopped the stick for the auto and have no qualms about driving manly bakkies with auto transmission.  Let’s be honest; a bakkie is meant to be the ultimate in manly cars, but to drive a rugged double cab with auto transmission is just unfair and makes men seem to be deceitful – a bit like a brawny macho guy who only has a little tiny tool for us gals to play with.  Alright, I guess, on the other hand, perhaps one could say men who drive automatics are in a permanent energy saving mode as it allows them to concentrate on one pedal at a time, whilst keeping one eye on the road and another on attractive women drivers. 

The argument for and against men driving manual or automatic transmission is as dated as the issue of the chicken and the egg.  Whichever came first between the chicken and the egg is a selfish lover, but there is cause to pause and re-evaluate why men should drive manuals and not automatics. 

No. 1 An automatic transmission is the ultimate dominatrix

Men like to be in control of everything.  They want to be the boss of everyone, but us women know that deep down men just want to be told what to do, when to do it and how to do it.  Once again, the automatic transmission comes to the rescue as it does everything for them because when driving a manual, a man would actually have to think about clutching in, shifting gears, clutching out and balancing the fuel pedal to keep from stalling.  Perhaps it would be more politically correct to say that men have so much on their minds (beer, sports, beer, braai, sports and did I mention beer?) that they don’t need the added stress of having to figure out which gear to change into, therefore an automatic car is their best choice; not only is it going to think for you, it will do it for you as well.  At the core of it all, an automatic transmission is the ultimate dominatrix and it every man is her….

No.2 Pulling fancy moves in an automatic is for cheats

In the testosterone filled world of motor car racing a variety of well executed  maneouvers let experienced drivers do all manner of fancy moves and one such requires the driver to change gear, rev, brake and accelerate simultaneously. This technique is very important, particularly in emergency situations (pronounced avoiding a taxi), that manufacturers have included this function in automatic transmission as well. Your passengers will be all too pleased that you averted the danger but deep down, every man who drives an automatic knows he’s not that macho and has his car to thank for that stunt.

No.3 Automatics consumer more fuel

Let’s have a moment of silence for people whose cars have big engines, especially if they are automatic transmission.  A driver of a big engine vehicle is likely to be on a first name basis with all the petrol attendants at their nearest fuel station because the more horsepower the engine, the more thirsty the car.  Traditionally, manual transmissions have been more energy efficient than automatics, and manufacturers have cleverly started to include stop-start technology in big engines (of automatic driven vehicles) in an attempt to create better fuel efficiency. 

No.4 Automatic transmission cars are not as fast

Although men love speed and fast cars, they seem to be unaware that automatics are a tad slower than manuals.  When driving a manual, the driver will easily find the engine’s ‘g-spot’, or point at which the engine hits a certain revving range which is its most powerful peak. In an automatic however, that sweet spot of the engine will be found but then quickly by-passed almost instantly, because the car is in control and not the driver. Alas, there is no real magic or skill required to drive an automatic and the biggest danger of that are mentioned in the point below.

No.5 Automatics make men’s hands lazy

Ask any woman about the qualities she admires most in a man and next to humor, she might confess that he needs to be good with his hands; not only so that he can fix things around the house, but good hand coordination is good for adult maneouvers as well. Driving requires a certain level of good hand coordination and if a man can demonstrate skill with his hands in a car, by shifting gears smoothly enough not to make us throw up our lunch, then we would be assured he might translate that hand coordination skill to other….more pleasurable tasks too!

No.6 You can’t talk macho car talk in an automatic

Driving a manual can make a man seem powerful and sexy, especially if the Fast and The Furious is your all time favourite movie series.  Men always try to impress women, irrespective of marital status of either party, because they are the taller version of peacocks and cannot help showing off their feathers.  It will come to pass, that at some point, a man will try to impress a woman by saying something seemingly intelligent (pronounced ‘arbitrary’) about his ride. If driving a manual, there is so much more he can say about his driving skills which will make he seem like the Tyrese Gibson of the road, whereas in an automatic he’ll just be pretty in a Brad Pitt sort of way. 
The bottom line is that us women want manly men and nothing is more manly than a man who can drive a manual transmission – we can’t even say the word ‘manual’ without first saying the word ‘man’.  Driving a manual not only demonstrates good multi tasking abilities, but also assures us that should the car run out of fuel, you can push it to the next petrol station  - something not even The Rock can do in an automatic.  We want men who drive real cars, and others who drive automatics (bakkies and 4x4s) may as well wear pink silk boxers and eye liner; because real men drive manuals.

The Inside Track on Speed Trap Cameras

As a law abiding motorist I would not ordinarily dream of deliberately committing a crime, but if masquerading as a curious motorist to a traffic officer (in order to get some information) constitutes a crime then by all means I am guilty as charged.  I have long been driven by an unquenchable sense of curiosity, so I recently posed as an overly curious and concerned citizen and introduced myself as such to two traffic police officers operating a speed trap camera along a busy inner city road.  They were all to glad to break the monotony of their work and have a chat and what I learnt was nothing less than jaw dropping, if not insightfully staggering.  So if you have ever been mildly curious about the inner workings of a laser camera… read on.

Our speed trap camera operators work a minimum of 1 daily 6 hour shift, during which time, they simply sit on a cushion (looked like the bottom of a typists chair actually), balanced upon a wooden box on top of the laser camera’s battery casing.  For a period of six hours, the traffic camera operator tag team, take turns to peer into the lens of their camera, whilst simultaneously “pulling the trigger” of the camera to “catch” motorists who exceed the speed limit

All speed control cameras are designed to measure the speed of approaching or departing vehicles, or both, depending on the type of camera. However, whenever you see a “photographer” on the side of the road, they are only legally permitted to take pictures of vehicles travelling on the side of the road they are sitting on, meaning they cannot trap traffic on the opposite lane from where they are. That does not give motorists license to drive above the speed limit should the camera not be on their side of the road, as there usually is another tag team of photographers on the opposite road as well. 

Speed cameras are attuned so that vehicles travelling within the speed limit are “invisible” and only vehicles travelling above the limit can be seen and photographed by the camera.  Most motorists slow down immediately we see a speed camera, and then defiantly increase speed when we think we are out of range.  Newsflash, a motorist is visible in the camera lens for a distance of up to 200m (which is approximately a distance of 7 street light poles) and the range can differ depending on the type of camera used. 

My first question to the officers was why their job was not done by fixed cameras – after all, their time could be better used elsewhere I reasoned, such as catching real criminals?   Their answer was one of many astounding revelations they would share over the course of our 2 hour chat.  They said the department felt the fixed cameras were “too expensive” (which made me wonder if SA Police officers are cheap labour) , and also offered that they felt the police department simply wanted to be able to raise their employment ‘quotas’ and didn’t put in as much effort into creating employment conditions favorable to employees.  Most police personnel nowadays are only in the police force as a result of not being able to get employment elsewhere. Clearly the days of honor, duty and the love of the law are gone as nowadays it’s more about simply putting bread on the table and meeting other basics

Whilst researching for this article, I discovered that fixed cameras are easy to identify and identifying camera locations in other countries, (where speed cameras are seemingly not used as a means to generate revenue), motorists are aware of the location of the speed cameras as the governing body of that country uses brightly colored cameras and numerous road signs to indicate the location of the cameras.  In those countries, speed cameras are purely about reducing speed, so much so, that there are websites which indicate the location of cameras.  In South Africa, however, our esteemed photographers can usually be spotted squatting in the bushes or under trees, looking all the more the fugitives, than the speeding motorists they are looking to catch. 

I had to fane surprise when the photographers told stories about the abuse they are subjected to on the roads, such as having bottles and cans thrown at them, to say nothing about the verbal abuse leveled at them.  Sitting with them I experienced it firsthand - many a motorists’ middle fingers seem to be on Viagra.  The officers themselves seemed to feel that the abuse comes with the job, but pointed out a desire to have access to government sponsored counseling as some of the trauma has long lasting effects. All traffic officers wear bullet proof vests and all are armed.  Should a situation become physically threatening, they would use their firearms. The officers I was with were also surprisingly understanding about the situation and they themselves question the reason they are instructed to hide, if indeed the objective is to enforce safety. They offered that they should sit in the open for all to see, that the roads they monitor should have more than one road sign communicating the speed limit and presence of speed trap cameras and that fixed cameras would be more effective than human personnel. Not bad thinking right?

In the past, I felt I was on some sort of Traffic Fine Offender Top 100 list or that I was a Traffic Fine Revenue Generator or something as I seemed to receive traffic fines weekly.  Hence, I had to ask if they had targets to meet, and if they were expected to “catch” a certain number of offenders per shift.  They answered that there was no need to set targets as offending motorists were a dime a dozen and as if to prove that fact, the officers showed how during the first hour of my being with them, one driver was caught speeding a record 4 times! There were 22 offenders photographed in the first hour of my chatting with the cops, and they had been on the job for 3 hours prior to my arrival.  .

On most roads, motorists have a 10km speeding “leeway”, so that if driving above for instance 60km/h on a particular road, one is still within the speeding limit, whereas driving just 1km above the that leeway results in a fine.  Although traffic fine amounts seem undetermined at this stage (AARTO has replaced the old fining system and amounts seem varied at this stage), it is safe to calculate cost of speeding at R100 per 1km over the speed limit.  Of the 22 offenders mentioned earlier, the “lowest’ speed was 75km/h and the highest 89km/hr.  The driver at 75km/h can expect a fine of approximately R500 – which is roughly the cost of a full tank on a small car and nothing to be sneezed at, whilst the 89km offender is likely to receive a notification to appear in court. Let’s do the maths and calculate 22 offenders per hour over a 6 hour period totals 132 offenders.  If each driver was caught at even 1km above the speed limit leeway(at R100 per km), and if my high school arithmetic is correct, then that tag team stands to collect approximately R13200 per shift.  Bear in mind that they work daily (including weekends and holidays) and perhaps if would be a reasonable to assume that each photographic tag team generates over R 1 million per month.  I am sure it is more complex than that, and that those who are better informed will jump down my throat at this, but until and unless the traffic violations and corresponding fines is clearly communicated, I don’t see any other way of calculating the revenue offenders generate for the City.

Driving at speeds of up to 20km/hr above the prescribed speed limit is an offence which falls under the category Non Admission of Guilt (N.A.G) which simply means offenders need to appear n front of a judge and give reason for their behavior.  The judge will then pass an appropriate fine at his discretion, (or maybe his mood or the creativity of your story!). 

Of course it was my civil duty to bring up the issue of bribes at traffic road blocks etc, and not surprisingly, the officers I was chatting with had NEVER taken a bribe in all their careers.  They did however offer that the public were as much to blame are corrupt officers in this regard.  After all, they asked wide eyed, what is a law abiding traffic officer to do when presented with a few crisp R100 notes along with a driver’s license, especially at mid month?   Apparently some renegade officers have a better way of generating their own income and simply target high profile personalities in the evenings.  They target a TV personality, “celebrity” politician or business person and follow them around until their driving pattern changes.  Then they pull them over and proceed to “arrest” them. One of the officers recalled a story he found particularly hilarious, about how such offenders usually breakdown and literally throw money at traffic cops in return for their not being arrested. It took a while for him to realize he was implementing himself in the process of telling his story.  Ooops!

Another point of discussion was the leniency seemingly shown to taxi drivers.  Would it surprise you as much as it did me to realize that most traffic cops do not have their own cars?  They use the same taxies they are charged with impounding to and from work and live in the same communities as the taxi drivers and their owners.  The photographers simply asked “How do I arrest the guy who takes my children to school and brings me to work and how do I face my neighbours when they cannot get to work either?”  Food for thought I had to admit.

On a lighter issue, I had always had a burning desire to know where our speed trap camera crew answers the call of nature, given there are no bathrooms in the immediate vicinity they operate in, (I had rather disturbing thoughts in this regard I must admit), but fortunately, it was not what I had envisaged.  I learnt that they have to pack up their gear and go to the nearest garage, (you will notice that in most instances, photographers are usually a short drive away from a petrol station for that exact reason).

Surprisingly, both the public and traffic officers tasked with enforcing traffic laws have similar concerns albeit expressed in vastly differing ways.  It would seem though that the benefactor in the great debate which is the issue of speed trapping vs. safety enforcement is government, who employ ‘cheap’ labour (tick employment quota box), to enforce some measure of safety on the roads, whilst generating seemingly obscene amounts of money.  The only defense motorists have is to use the cruise control feature now standard in most vehicles whilst continuing to question the laws currently in place.

Notice : This is the unedited version of a similar article published in Motor Mania on 10 June 2011.  Get your copy of Motor Mania every Friday in The Sowetan, The Times, The Herald, The Daily Dispatch.

Motor Mania is a publication owned by Avusa Media

Hyundai South Africa, warns public on Getz scam

22 June 2011 – Hyundai South Africa would like to issue a firm warning to all South African consumers to be aware of a scam currently being circulated in the market.  This scam is falsely using the Hyundai and Budget Insurance brands to ‘trick’ consumers into providing their details for insurance cover in hopes of ‘winning’ a new Hyundai Getz.

“Hyundai South Africa is not running any competition in the market together with Budget Insurance currently,” says Albrecht Grundel, operations director at Hyundai South Africa. “Therefore, any person contacted with regards to being ‘randomly selected’ from the Hyundai database to win a new Hyundai Getz, is to please report this immediately to Hyundai’s call centre on 086-142-7222.”

Hyundai have recently become aware of false material circulating in the market that gives the appearance of being sent from Hyundai South Africa’s head office and the company’s CEO. “This material states that a consumer has won a Hyundai Getz 1.4 GL A/C Manual Sport,” adds Grundel.  “The material then goes on to state that the consumer needs to contact the Budget Insurance claim officer, to be given a 6.5% discount on their monthly insurance premiums for the first 2 years – obviously with the intent of extracting the consumers personal details.”

This promotion is absolutely false and is in no way endorsed or being undertaken by Hyundai South Africa.  “In fact, when consumers read the material they will pick up the inconsistencies, whereby the name of our CEO is wrong and our head office numbers and address are incorrect.”

“Hyundai South Africa has raised this matter directly with the SAPS and we will explore other legal options available to us.  Additionally, we have contacted Budget Insurance directly to alert them to this scam to ensure they can alert their customers immediately too.”

Consumers should be advised that all competitions and promotions being undertaken by Hyundai South Africa will always be displayed on the Hyundai South Africa Facebook page ((http://www.facebook.com/#!/HyundaiSA).

“We urge consumers to ensure that they verify any competition details through this channels or alternatively, to please always contact the Hyundai SA call centre to verify the details of any competition, to ensure that you do not divulge any personal information as a result of these types of fraudulent scams,” concludes Grundel.

About Hyundai Automotive South Africa

Hyundai Automotive South Africa, an entity of the Hyundai Motor Company, was selected as the Global distributor of the Year in 2005 and forms part of the Associated Motor Holdings group locally. Since inception, Hyundai SA has established a network of almost 100 dealerships in Southern Africa, including Namibia, Swaziland and Botswana. Hyundai has a wide range of products and have a particularly good name for maintaining high customer service standards. Hyundai is the fastest growing automotive brand in the world, and have developed a strong brand amongst the South African motoring public.

In fact, Hyundai South Africa had two vehicles nominated as finalists for the 2011 Wesbank/SAGMJ Car of the Year Award – namely, the Hyundai iX35 and the 6^th generation Hyundai Sonata - evident of the brand’s ongoing local growth and market uptake. Our mission is to grow our brand on a reputation built on integrity; recognisable style, reliability and superior build quality.

For further information please contact:

Albrecht Grundel Operations Director, Hyundai South Africa Tel: 011 372 0800 Email: albrechtg@hyundai.co.za

Candice de Lange Orange Ink Tel: 011 704 3894 Email: candice@orangeink.co.za

Don’t like e-tolling? Catch a Government managed taxi!

Ordinarily this would not be a platform to discuss the public transport system, (after all this blog is called Driving In Heels, not Catching Taxis in Heels); but if ever there was a better reason and time to buy your own car it would be now.  Regardless of the costs of the impending e-tolling system, or continually rising fuel costs, nothing will adequately ensure we are prepared to use the BRT system, especially as it has been handed over to the taxi associations to run.  That’s right folks, the running of the City of Johannesburg multi-million Rea Vaya Bus Rapid Transit is now in the hands of a company owned by taxi owners.  So, when Minister Ndebele tells us to pay toll fares or use a bus, what he is really referring to is a ride on a bus managed by Pio Trans.

Early in Februar 2011, Pio Trans took over the running of the public transport system from Clidet, a company which had been previously appointed by the City of Johannesburg to run operations temporarily.  We are all for empowerment and ensuring that the previously disadvantaged become more involved in the economic development of our country, however, it is usually the manner in which such initiatives are done which leaves a lot to desire.  In this instance no mention has yet been made about the new company’s skills capacity to manage the operation, or any training they might have received in running a legal and ethical transport system which puts public interest and safety first, ahead of self profit and selective ignorance to basic road rules. 

It really would make incredible standup comedy material for the likes of Eugene Khoza and Trevor Noah, were it not such a serious matter, especially when you consider that the mandate before Pio Trans is:

1.   Ensure buses run according to schedule. Believe it or not, but our Government is of the impression that our local taxi owners, whose current operations hardly have a system we can call a timetable; are qualified to adhere to time management in running a bus operation. 

2.   Staff members are at work on time in order to render a good service to commuters.  It’s no secret that customer care within the taxi industry is the medical equivalent of an STI; it is deplorable, irritating and resistant to any long term or permanent improvement.  Therefore, how is it that taxi drivers, who for years have been reported to communicate with their customers by using colourful language, intimidation and in some instances violence will now be courteous to the general public should we opt to use the BRT system?  Can government assure me that I will not be served by an open mouthed gum chewing bus stewardess who assumes I speak vernacular simply because I am Black? When in public service, the most common business language is English, and the adage “The Customer Is King” is of paramount importance.  Do taxi drivers had the first inkling of training in customer relations?  

3. Buses are in a good working condition. A song by Ray Phiri quickly comes to mind when read this expectation “Who’s fooling Who”.  Our country still battles with poorly maintained vehicles, and in some instance, vehicles which are not maintained at all.  Will the buses on the BRT system be reduced to wires, screwdrivers and cellotape?  Will commuter’s feet get wet in rainy weather because the floor boards are missing?  Will there be clear glass in the window panes or sheets of plastic? Will the springs on the seats cut through the seat covers? Will the mechanics for the automatic doors still work after a few months?4.   Stations are kept clean; taxi ranks across the country are a putrid mess of food wrappers, empty bottles, cigarette butts, paper etc, to say nothing about the accompanying stench.  Where there are large numbers of people, it does not take long for there to be a health hazard and filth.  Nothing about current taxi operations suggest that this mandate has ever been a consideration by taxi owners.  It would be a welcome change if just this expectation alone were met.

It is either a case of rose tinted sunglasses or too many hours spent being chauffer driven that might have influenced the powers that be in this decision and process.  In principal, handing the running of transport system to the people is a good idea, but maybe, it is just as well intended as patting a lion on its head.  Surely government is setting this system up for failure as it would appear that the cards are stacked heavily against taxi owner/managed system.  Inevitably, the taxi owners will take the blame for not delivering a worthwhile public transport system, the public will be affected and production will falter.

For all of us whose option to e-tolling is public transport - as graciously pointed out by Minister Sbu Ndebele - the lack of management and operational skills could hinder the positive intention Government’s appointment of the new management team of the BRT system.  City Of Joburg officials, will have to ensure that a transfer of skills form the previous company to Pio Trans is done, so they are equipped to run the business; experience in operations management and proper fleet management, including maintenance, customer care and retention, strategic planning and state of the art security will be critical as will general awareness of all facets which affect the effective running of a public transport system. 

No one knowingly goes to a bogus doctor for medical attention, or allows an unqualified mechanic to change their brakes.  Similarly in this instance, the public should not be expected to put their faith and lives in a system which does not inspire confidence.  All South Africans would like nothing better than to see the success of the BRT system.  I am positive we will cheer as wildly as we did during the World Cup should our public transport system deliver better than what Government has in some sectors. As with so many other initiatives, this is an incredibly good idea, but as the saying goes, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, and in our case, the proof of the efficiency of Pio Trans managing the BRT system will be in buses arriving on time, and our experiencing a professional public transport service we can be proud of.

But just in case…. There are many car dealers willing to negotiate comfortable financial deals!

Vuyi Jabavu

Driving In Heels

Gender Equility and Distracted Driving

Men and women are equally unequal and whilst there may be debate about gender equality in the workplace, cultural gatherings, sport and even restaurant restrooms, we become equal once behind the wheel.  Men of course will continue to believe that they are the better drivers; they also mistakenly think they are handsome, intelligent and interesting!

If I am to be honest - men wore the “better driver” badge - back in about 1300BC, but the advent of the metro-sexual male has seen more men emulate women than ever before.  Nowadays, there are an equal number of men who lose man points by grooming themselves whilst driving as there are women who apply makeup.  In fact, you can almost always spot a lady who has applied her ‘war paint’ in traffic by the unnaturally high arch of her penciled in eyebrows, which usually gives her the same expression of disbelief and surprise that other drivers had when they witnessed her blatant display of distracted driving.

Whilst I do not believe women are lesser drivers than men, I do acknowledge that the prevalence of distracted driving is higher among women than it is men, probably because we multitask.  We ladies generally have more than a few things on the go at any given time, and we are likely to continue multi tasking whilst driving.  Men however, do not have such problems probably because they have mastered the art of mentally keeping life’s varied issues in separate little boxes (‘little’ being the operative word).  A woman on the other hand is a kaleidoscope of emotions, work related deadlines, school kids lunches, diets, spa visits and more, all jostling for attention in her mind as she drives. 

Distracted driving knows no gender hence both men and women should consciously change their driving habits and attitudes, starting with our cell phone usage as we drive.  If everyone switched off their cell phones before starting the engine, there might be a reduction in road accidents.  But as long as your mobile is on, the temptation to send / read smses, update Face Book / Twitter, make / receive a call is equivalent to the discovery of cellulite reducing properties in chocolate – irresistible. 

A brief survey conducted on our website revealed that 90% of respondents (male & female) admitted to having interacted with their cell phones daily whilst driving.  The incredulous reality is that taking your eyes off the road is considered more dangerous than driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol.  A 5 second glance at your mobile is equivalent to driving the full length of a soccer field at 88km/h – blindfolded!  Every time anyone talks or smses whilst driving, they may well be Stevie Wonder driving at 28km/h above the average speed limit of 60km/h.  If that visual doesn’t help turn on the lights in your head urgently find a crisp white jacket which ‘fashionably’ ties only at the back!

Although hands free kits are readily available and legally acceptable, using these is still rolling the dice of death.  Research shows that up to 50% of a driver’s attention is diverted when anything takes the focus from the road.  It also states that less visual information is absorbed as a result of the distraction, meaning that brake lights, traffic lights, pedestrians, cyclists & motor cyclists are virtually non-existent for as long as you are focused on your phone. 

If the dangers of DWP (Driving Whilst Phoning) still have not hit home, then consider the following.  An average phone call lasts roughly 3 minutes (slightly longer for women. Ok much longer among women), and that per 5 seconds that you are on a call is equal to travelling the distance of a soccer field.  Now add the fact many people are naturally heavy footed and drive well about the legal speed limit, further add that whilst on the phone, your brain digests 50% less of all visual data, and you may agree that the term ‘recipe for disaster’ does not begin describe the potential life threatening situation each of us poses to one another.

Mobile phones, shaving machines, mascara, changing radio stations or CDs etc whilst driving are not the problem. The fact that driving has become a lesser function to these and other distractions is the culprit.  Unless we re-adjust our driving habits and attitudes, the predictions made by Minister Ndebele in January 2011; that we stand to lose 1000 lives on our roads per month will become our fateful truth.  The question is:  Are you are going to kill someone or will you get killed?

Vuyi Jabavu

Driving In Heels

Never Mind Triple BEE - drivers need to be aware of DDD (Drink, Drive, Die).

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display his ugly side. Eyeing an unescorted woman he leaned over and whispered loudly to her, "Hey! How about it babe, you and me tonight?  Irritated, the woman got up to move seats, but the man loudly protested, “Come on Sweetie, you look like you could use the money - I’ll even throw in an extra R5."  She looked back at him and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?"

There are hundreds of drinking jokes, but drinking and driving is no laughing matter; especially as many South Africans are killed daily as a result of alcohol related deaths.   In fact, various articles show that on average,10000 South Africans are killed annually as a result of drinking and driving and that in most cases the driver is over the legal limit of 0.05 grams per 100ml of blood.  What is really scary is that an increased number of high profile people and politicians are amongst the negligent drivers; which speaks volumes about their attitude towards their own self worth, levels of responsibility and dare I say, intelligence.

But alcohol is not the enemy – heck, Jesus turned water into wine! The problem is the misuse of alcohol; not knowing when to stop drinking, and getting behind the wheel after knocking back a few is just a plain stupid choice which could lead to a number of life changing problems.

What not too many people seem to know is that drinking alcohol is actually a science.  It requires one to possess a certain level of intelligence and mental capacity in order to enjoy a drink, whilst not losing sight of the equation in which time and units of alcohol determine when you have had too much drink, what your blood alcohol level is in relation to your sobriety and your chances of being involved in an accident.  The connection between alcohol, its effect on your brain and driving abilities has short circuited in many people’s heads.  Some people do not even know the effects of alcohol on the brain, that there is a difference in rate of absorption between men and women, or that weight plays a major role in determining alcohol levels.  Ladies, FYI - one 240ml glass of red / white wine is equivalent to 3 slices of white bread (in case you wondering why the liquid diet isn’t working!).

There are numerous effects of alcohol to the brain and if my high school biology serves me correctly then I vividly remember that the brain consists of three major parts: the cerebrum, the cerebellum and the medulla.

The cerebrum controls advanced functions, such as reasoning, vision, recognition and emotion. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and affects judgment, movement, vision and speech.  The cerebellum mostly controls movement, and affects reflexes, balance and co-ordination.  The medulla controls basic survival functions such as heartbeat and breathing, both of which can be stopped entirely by excessive alcohol consumption.

To understand the next bit needs a sober and clear mind.  Picture what is happening in your brain right now.  Nerves carry messages to different parts of your body with instructions to do things. The brain and the nerves are made up of neurons that carry various messages to and from your brain. The neurons do not actually touch one another – there is a space between them, which are called synapses, (some people seem to have more synapses than neurons!).  Electrical signals carry messages the length of the neuron and neurotransmitters carry the messages across the synapse to the next neuron.  It is in the synapses that alcohol affects the working of your brain.  A couple of drinks will affect the efficiency with which neurotransmitters carry messages between the neurons.

Hence, someone who has had too much to drink slurs their speech, cannot walk in a straight line, drives in a weaving pattern across the road and is slow to hit the brakes in an emergency situation.  Driving requires that we use many basic skills simultaneously – perception, judgment, quick physical reaction, decision-making, etc.  Having had too much alcohol makes it impossible to co-ordinate all these actions simultaneously, and the tell tale signs of a drunk driver are:

• An inability to judge distances (both between both stationary and moving objects)
• Difficulty in negotiating a car in or out of a parking spot
• Difficulty in maintaining a constant speed
• Peripheral, blurred vision is and other vehicles, cyclists, bikers and pedestrians go unnoticed.
• Delayed reaction between an emergency situation and applying the brakes or appropriate steering action

Tonight being a Friday, many people turn into weekend party warriors, so lets do a quick alcohol consumption forecast.  You start your weekend with afew at the company bar before moving on to some other happening place.  Over course of 7 hours, you might consume 3 cocktails and 4 doubles of your favorite poison.  That equals 15 units of alcohol, and your blood alcohol level (BAL) will be approx .205g putting you 4 times over the legal limit!  When you wake up at 6am the following morning with a massive babalaas – you are in fact still drunk and your BAL would still be at a staggering .150g (three times over the limit)!  After suffering through the morning, you might be surprised to learn that you will still be over the legal limit by lunch time, as your BAL will be 0.6g, and that if you had an accident at 4pm, you could be charged with DUI as your BAL would be 0.15g.  Only at approximately 6pm would you actually be sober!

Whilst there are many deterrents in place to help curb drunk driving, your best safety feature might be not to drink and drive in the first instance.  In certain states of the US, lobbyists are seeking legal permission to name and shame drunk drivers using Face Book and SA is not too far behind; the KZN Transport MEC has already published 50 names of drunk drivers in the local press.  So, unless humiliating your family, friends, colleagues and superiors is on your bucket list tonight might be a good time to conceptualize a new drinking ‘strategy”.

Vuyi Jabavu

Driving In Heels