Back in my Convent high school days, where the German nuns taught us the Queen's language, the word used to describe one's backside was just that...backside. Fast forward 20 odd years to English of today a.k.a. SMS-speak and the reference for one's backside is booty (if one is being polite). Rewind once more to a time when people actually aspired to speak coherently, and you'll find that the word boot, referred to either winter footwear or the luggage compartment of a vehicle, (the word booty simply didn't exist), so perhaps I should forgive the look of confusion I was recently given by a barely-out-of-his-teens car salesman when I asked about my test car's boot and his eyes lingered on my derrière. It went something like this:
Just-started-shaving-car salesman: So you see Ma'am, (Ma'am - is he calling me old or trying to be polite) the car has all you need for a family trip.
Ma'am (me!), I've decided he's going for polite : I'm not convinced it has the necessary space I need for all our things. I need a bigger boot.
Him: Your boot is just fine.
Me (glaring): I beg your pardon?
Him: Your boot Ma'am, sorry I was just paying you a compliment...but the boot of the car is also big enough.
For the record, I pulled myself up to my full height (all of 1.57m that I am) and proceeded to educate the young man on professionalism and the appropriate use of the English language in the workplace, whilst cheerfully making a mental note to keep up with the lunges.
But alas, it is that time of the year again isnt it, when we are all thinking about the holidays, packing and long distance driving and up until now, your car's boot has only had to carry groceries, school bags and sports kit. Now the acid test of whether or not the confined space within the family car can indeed live up to the manufacturer's promise and comfortably contain the kids, dog and luggage is about to be proven.
Its only during holiday season that one develops a real appreciate for storage room and as each member of your family presents their essential holiday luggage do you wonder why on earth they measure boot space in terms of litres? This is when every mother in the country should return to the dealership and ask the salesman to liquidize the family's luggage and repack it into the 480 litres of boot space as per their glossy sales brochures.
Getting packed is just the start of the excitement, the long drive to your 'keeping up with the Kunenes' in-laws is the second reason you may need to reach for the aspirin, so don't forget to pack a medicine bag containing something for each family member. Do include rolls of toilet paper as well as wet wipes, which also double as serviettes and an oil dipstick cleaner.
Another essential bag every family car should have is a full emergency kit which should include tyre changing equipment, flashlight (preferably with batteries which work), jumper cables, car phone charger, disposable camera (in the event of an accident, no one can argure with photographs) and a red reflective triangle. Ladies, in that oversize handbag of yours, carry the emergency numbers your husband is too macho to admit he needs, such as roadside assistance, insurance, family doctor and lawyer.
If your car does not come equipped with entertainment for the kids, you might want to consider packing books, puzzles and fun educational games such as sudoku (to minimize SMS-lingo) and....... earplugs (sorry not applicable for drivers). Short of doing yoga on the side of the road, the other best way to mentally check out is by having silence. Son's videos games too loud? Earplugs. Daughter's music getting on your nerves? Earplugs. Husband's constant droning about other bad drivers? Earplugs. Baby crying? Ok, feed him.
Something many travelers don't do nowadays is to carry a packed lunch. I agree, it's much cooler to pull into one of the eateries at the main fuel stations, and if you are into greasy food cooked in recycled oil then you'll hit the jackpot every time. But as any calorie conscious woman would know, eating healthily will keep every family member's sugar levels normal minimizing unexpected surges in energy levels. Pack fruit instead of sweets, pretzels, popcorn and nuts in place of chips, and whole grain snacks.
In planning your actual traveling times do factor in bathroom breaks. Fathers are infamous for not wanting to stop when on a long drive, but ladies, gently remind The Stubborn One, that it is unhealthy to hold it when one needs to go, and that he too can develop urinary tract infectiosns from sitting for long periods of time. That ought to end any argument and bring the car to a quick halt!
Driving In Heels is all about what we women need to know about our cars. Learn basic maintenance, pregnancy & infant care tips as you follow Vuyi Jabavu on @drivinginheels. Read the weekly Driving In Heels column in Motor Mania (found in The Sowetan, The Times, The Daily Dispatch, The Herald), as well as the monthly Driving In Heels article in Mamas and Papas Magazine. Also read Vuyi's weekly test drive reviews.
Friday, 2 December 2011
Monday, 14 November 2011
What's the truth about e-tolling?
Ok, I'm confused. Last month Gauteng motorists were told Transport Minister Sibusiso Ndebele had put a stop to all tolling of national roads. Then, early last week Sanral announced that motorists could start buying Gauteng electronic tags as e-tolling would go live in Gauteng in February 2012.
Now the transport department claims that it was in fact putting a stop only to future road tolling projects to allow for public consultation, e.g., Cape Town, and that phase one of the Gauteng Freeway Improvement Project would be going ahead as previously planned. This means that in February 2012, the 42 electronic toll gates already erected in Gauteng, will be fully operational, (no exact date available at this stage).
E-tags will be available from Checkers, Pick’nPay, Shoprite, customer service outlets in Gauteng malls or customer centres along the Gauteng e-road. But I somehow doubt motorists will be queuing up to buy them though, especially as people feel that without them, it will be difficult for authorities to track them down and penalize them.
However, before you go the popular COSATU route and boycott the system, be aware that motorists still have to register their vehicles with SANRAL, or buy a day pass. It will be a criminal offense to use an e-road without an e-tag, oh and get this, government has suddenly found the manpower and resources it requires to have 24 hour police patrols stationed along the routes to apprehend those who don't comply. I don't know how I would feel about being the subject of a high speed chase over the non payment of 40c,* whereas there are victims of rape all over the country whose perpetrators are out on bail because the government does not have the resources to maintain the country's DNA database.
An e-tag will cost R50 per vehicle and will be available to order online at www.sanral.co.za, or by calling the e-toll call centre on 0800726725.
* Proposed charges are 40c a kilometre for light vehicles
R1 for medium vehicles.
R2 for heavy vehicles and 24c for motorcycles.
Qualifying commuter taxis and buses will be exempt.
Now the transport department claims that it was in fact putting a stop only to future road tolling projects to allow for public consultation, e.g., Cape Town, and that phase one of the Gauteng Freeway Improvement Project would be going ahead as previously planned. This means that in February 2012, the 42 electronic toll gates already erected in Gauteng, will be fully operational, (no exact date available at this stage).
E-tags will be available from Checkers, Pick’nPay, Shoprite, customer service outlets in Gauteng malls or customer centres along the Gauteng e-road. But I somehow doubt motorists will be queuing up to buy them though, especially as people feel that without them, it will be difficult for authorities to track them down and penalize them.
However, before you go the popular COSATU route and boycott the system, be aware that motorists still have to register their vehicles with SANRAL, or buy a day pass. It will be a criminal offense to use an e-road without an e-tag, oh and get this, government has suddenly found the manpower and resources it requires to have 24 hour police patrols stationed along the routes to apprehend those who don't comply. I don't know how I would feel about being the subject of a high speed chase over the non payment of 40c,* whereas there are victims of rape all over the country whose perpetrators are out on bail because the government does not have the resources to maintain the country's DNA database.
An e-tag will cost R50 per vehicle and will be available to order online at www.sanral.co.za, or by calling the e-toll call centre on 0800726725.
* Proposed charges are 40c a kilometre for light vehicles
R1 for medium vehicles.
R2 for heavy vehicles and 24c for motorcycles.
Qualifying commuter taxis and buses will be exempt.
Sunday, 13 November 2011
The South African Motoring News in Brief......
You've got to love South Africa and the times we live in. No two days are the same and each week serves to highlight the glaring gaps in almost all aspects of our colorful country. For instance, why do you think traffic on N1 (highway between Johannesburg and Pretoria) was affected when the ANC Youth League walked all the way to Pretoria recently? The answer is simply because we do not have sidewalks or pavements. Surely if we had pavements the economic freedom fighters a.k.a marchers could have shared the road with all other economic freedom fighters a.k.a. motorists as we collectively we went about fighting for our financial emancipation?
On a serious note though, I hope all those who walked wore good shoes because the lesson therein for motorists is in ensuring your car's tyres are well maintained. It wouldn't be surprising to learn that the protestors developed bungeons, and similar to bubbles on your tyre they are unsightly, and could lead to bigger problems and whilst bung eons might become a life sentence to unflattering health shoes, a bubble in a tyre might well just end your life. Check your tyres, particularly after a drive on an even road, or after hitting a pothole and have the tyre replaced immediately. Think of it this way, the car's tyre is equivalent to the shoes we wear on our feet. If your shoes are worn, the likely hood of slipping and falling is high, and could have embarrassing consequences, but if your tyres are worn, the consequences are more severe and could be life threatening. When the sole / heel of our shoes need replacement, we logically take both shoes, so that they are even when we wear them. Similarly, when replacing worn tyres, the minimum number of tyres we should replace at any one time is 2, the difference being that the 2 tyres on each axis should be changed at the same time, meaning : either the top front tyres or the two back tyres and NEVER the two on either left or right hand side; that would be like tying your ankles together then expecting to be able to walk.
In other colorful news, our President recently pulled the car mat from under the well heeled feet of our police commissioner, BC, otherwise known as Bheki Cele when he suspended him from duty, (suspended ala Oxford Dictionary not 'allegedly'). After months of spluttering like a car with faulty spark plugs each time Thuli Madonsela revved her findings, BC must have felt like a flat car battery; in urgent need of jumper cables. Speaking of which, as we approach the holidays, now would be a good time to ensure your car's battery won't let you down. An easy way to check the battery is to do a visual check of the battery terminals. With the car engine switched off, inspect the battery's terminals, which should be clean, and without corrosion buildup. If the terminals have some corrosion, a simple way to clean them is to use a steal brush and a can of Coke. Make sure that the car is turned off and that the battery is disconnected first. Simply poor some of the Coke on the terminals and let it settle for a few seconds; then take the steal brush and start scrubbing. This will remove the corrosion and increase the electricity flow - meaning you’ll get a good cranking voltage.
In the weather report, the summer rains are finally upon us, and the only sound louder than a taxi driver's horn is the welcome sound of thunder. Now would be a good time to check the effectiveness of your car's wiper blades. They should make full contact with the windscreen at all times, and dispense with the rain water as effortlessly as the happy looking housewives advertising multi surface cleaner in television commercials. The only time it is acceptable to use the word streaky is when ordering bacon and if your wipers are doing a streaky job, be like Elton Jantjies and give them the boot.
Whilst on the subject of sports, congratulations goes out to the Golden Lions for their victory over Nemo, previously known as the Sharks. John Mitchell's boys epitomised a well oil machine which in motoring terms could be likened to checking your car’s engine oil, which is one of the simplest and most important maintenance activities. Running an engine without oil will cause the engine to seize then you won't be going anywhere. Identifying an oil problem before it damages your engine can save you thousands of Rands in repair costs. The best time to check your engine’s oil is when the engine is warm to the touch. To check the oil, locate the dipstick; (not your boss or husband) labeled as “oil.” Pull the stick out and wipe the oil residue off the end. Replace the stick and pull it out again; this time look at the end of the stick that was in the engine. Make sure the oil level is at the “full” line, (or on the 3rd / 4th notch on the dipstick). If however, the oil level is significantly below the line, take your car to your nearest petrol station for a top up. Make sure the oil is clear and fluid, not black and jelly-like. If it is black and jelly-like get to a mechanic immediately to check the engine.
On a serious note though, I hope all those who walked wore good shoes because the lesson therein for motorists is in ensuring your car's tyres are well maintained. It wouldn't be surprising to learn that the protestors developed bungeons, and similar to bubbles on your tyre they are unsightly, and could lead to bigger problems and whilst bung eons might become a life sentence to unflattering health shoes, a bubble in a tyre might well just end your life. Check your tyres, particularly after a drive on an even road, or after hitting a pothole and have the tyre replaced immediately. Think of it this way, the car's tyre is equivalent to the shoes we wear on our feet. If your shoes are worn, the likely hood of slipping and falling is high, and could have embarrassing consequences, but if your tyres are worn, the consequences are more severe and could be life threatening. When the sole / heel of our shoes need replacement, we logically take both shoes, so that they are even when we wear them. Similarly, when replacing worn tyres, the minimum number of tyres we should replace at any one time is 2, the difference being that the 2 tyres on each axis should be changed at the same time, meaning : either the top front tyres or the two back tyres and NEVER the two on either left or right hand side; that would be like tying your ankles together then expecting to be able to walk.
In other colorful news, our President recently pulled the car mat from under the well heeled feet of our police commissioner, BC, otherwise known as Bheki Cele when he suspended him from duty, (suspended ala Oxford Dictionary not 'allegedly'). After months of spluttering like a car with faulty spark plugs each time Thuli Madonsela revved her findings, BC must have felt like a flat car battery; in urgent need of jumper cables. Speaking of which, as we approach the holidays, now would be a good time to ensure your car's battery won't let you down. An easy way to check the battery is to do a visual check of the battery terminals. With the car engine switched off, inspect the battery's terminals, which should be clean, and without corrosion buildup. If the terminals have some corrosion, a simple way to clean them is to use a steal brush and a can of Coke. Make sure that the car is turned off and that the battery is disconnected first. Simply poor some of the Coke on the terminals and let it settle for a few seconds; then take the steal brush and start scrubbing. This will remove the corrosion and increase the electricity flow - meaning you’ll get a good cranking voltage.
In the weather report, the summer rains are finally upon us, and the only sound louder than a taxi driver's horn is the welcome sound of thunder. Now would be a good time to check the effectiveness of your car's wiper blades. They should make full contact with the windscreen at all times, and dispense with the rain water as effortlessly as the happy looking housewives advertising multi surface cleaner in television commercials. The only time it is acceptable to use the word streaky is when ordering bacon and if your wipers are doing a streaky job, be like Elton Jantjies and give them the boot.
Whilst on the subject of sports, congratulations goes out to the Golden Lions for their victory over Nemo, previously known as the Sharks. John Mitchell's boys epitomised a well oil machine which in motoring terms could be likened to checking your car’s engine oil, which is one of the simplest and most important maintenance activities. Running an engine without oil will cause the engine to seize then you won't be going anywhere. Identifying an oil problem before it damages your engine can save you thousands of Rands in repair costs. The best time to check your engine’s oil is when the engine is warm to the touch. To check the oil, locate the dipstick; (not your boss or husband) labeled as “oil.” Pull the stick out and wipe the oil residue off the end. Replace the stick and pull it out again; this time look at the end of the stick that was in the engine. Make sure the oil level is at the “full” line, (or on the 3rd / 4th notch on the dipstick). If however, the oil level is significantly below the line, take your car to your nearest petrol station for a top up. Make sure the oil is clear and fluid, not black and jelly-like. If it is black and jelly-like get to a mechanic immediately to check the engine.
My Top 10 Pet Motoring Hates
Am I the only motorist who wishes they had a sjambok in their car? Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating road rage, and do not condone it under any circumstances. But lets be honest, the way some motorists drive makes me want to give them a smack, all in the name of loving correction of course. Here is my list of top 10 drivers I would love to give a hot klap (I hope you are not one of them!):
1. Motorists who straddle lanes
The lines on the road are not decoration. They are there to define which side of the road your car should be on. When motorists drive slap bang in the middle of both lanes they are demonstrating that they didn't have coloring-in books as children. Go to any crèche and you will find children vigorously coloring-in outlines of everyday household objects. Whilst it might seem like child's play, it really is an early driving lesson and one life which will come in handy as a motorist. If you are unsure about your abilities in this department, either colour in something out of your child's book or watch out for irritated drivers hooting and trying to get around you on the road.
2. Frustrated Djs
Motorists who roll down all the car windows, then pump up the volume of their car radios to the max are simply annoying. You have no right to subject me to an outdated rendition of Lost Without You by Boyz To Men, and I'll have you know that i have a radio in my car too, but to revert to the basics ofnthe English language, the word YOUR music in YOUR car is for YOUR listening pleasure and is not OUR music in YOUR car. Give us a break people please and keep your music preferences to yourself.
4. Late birth control users
Parents, when you do not strap your children into their seats, what exactly are you thinking? Do you really need to be told that it is dangerous or are you making a public declaration that the birth control you were using wasn't effective? Your kids don't look cute hanging out of a moving car window and will less cute decapitated. Strap them in or leave them at home, but I think it should be law that motorists can klap drivers who allow this.
5. Unfit motorists
There is certain type of driver who feels compelled to overtake you, then slow down in front of you as if they ran out of petrol! If I were a guy and your car was clad in form fitting jeans perhaps I wouldn't mind, but as my only view is metal and tail lights, I don't understand what the purpose of this is. Someone please enlighten me.
6. Curb crawlers
We've all had to drive behind the guys who holds up traffic by driving at a snails pace because he is openly gawking at women pedestrians. Gentlemen, its unsavory and makes you look like a sexual predator. With so many women walking on the road, it's a wonder these guys ever get to their destination!
7. Cowards
Men who are intimidated by women who drive bigger and more expensive cars than their own, then call you derogatory names because they don't want to believe you could actually work and buy your own wheels. I know a lot of my sisters are reading this and agreeing with me and if you are that one male reader who just went 'nxxxxxxa!' in disgust, then I'm talking to you. Instead of being mad, appreciate a hard working sister. Who knows, she might even give you a sympathy date......
8. Haters
Ladies who hang around my car hoping the driver is a nice guy, then get irritated when they see me. These sisters are easy to spot for a mile away. They chew gum with their mouths open, stand strategically near the driver's car door and their plastic hair extensions shouldn't be in the sun for too long. Stop hating gals; if its any consolation, I test drive cars for a living so I get all the fancy wheels. Besides that, if you are selecting eligible men based on the size of the debt of their cars then your issues are not for discussion on this platform. Seek professional help.
9. R.Kelly Wanna-be's
Petrol attendants who mack women when we go to fill up- dude, what could you possibly have to offer? No disrespect, but at best you have a bicycle, and even then, you are too unfit to ride it to work. Perhaps if you could get petrol at staff discount your lyrics might be a hit with one or two ladies, but asides from that I just don't see the fit. Sorry!
10. Sexually over confident
We've all had the misfortune of seeing them, yes, guys (and women) who urinate on the side of the road. There was a time when that sort of thing was unheard of and if you needed to answer the call of nature, you did so discreetly, behind a tree or bush, but not in these times..... Motorists and passengers can be seen relieving themselves - sometimes into on coming traffic without a care. If you need to go, and there aren't any amenities in the vicinity, then by all means, into the bushes you go, but do us all a favor and retain your dignity. Having said that, whenever I have seen someone doing this, I always make a silent wish that something could jump out of the grass and bite your delicacies! (just being honest).
All time pet hate has to be driving behind a bakkie-load of labourers who seem to amuse themselves by humiliating the lady driver directly behind them with their vulgar innuendos, whistling and gesturing, causing other motorists to turn and look at the poor woman. The worst part is that in most instances, she would be too much a lady to gesture rudely back at them, even though her vehicle would be stuck behind theirs, without anywhere to go. If I did carry a sjambok in my car, I would smile seductively, gesture for one of the labourers to hop out of the bakkie, pull up along side him and sjambok him mercilessly on behalf of all the women who have ever been subjected to this type of humiliation.
1. Motorists who straddle lanes
The lines on the road are not decoration. They are there to define which side of the road your car should be on. When motorists drive slap bang in the middle of both lanes they are demonstrating that they didn't have coloring-in books as children. Go to any crèche and you will find children vigorously coloring-in outlines of everyday household objects. Whilst it might seem like child's play, it really is an early driving lesson and one life which will come in handy as a motorist. If you are unsure about your abilities in this department, either colour in something out of your child's book or watch out for irritated drivers hooting and trying to get around you on the road.
2. Frustrated Djs
Motorists who roll down all the car windows, then pump up the volume of their car radios to the max are simply annoying. You have no right to subject me to an outdated rendition of Lost Without You by Boyz To Men, and I'll have you know that i have a radio in my car too, but to revert to the basics ofnthe English language, the word YOUR music in YOUR car is for YOUR listening pleasure and is not OUR music in YOUR car. Give us a break people please and keep your music preferences to yourself.
4. Late birth control users
Parents, when you do not strap your children into their seats, what exactly are you thinking? Do you really need to be told that it is dangerous or are you making a public declaration that the birth control you were using wasn't effective? Your kids don't look cute hanging out of a moving car window and will less cute decapitated. Strap them in or leave them at home, but I think it should be law that motorists can klap drivers who allow this.
5. Unfit motorists
There is certain type of driver who feels compelled to overtake you, then slow down in front of you as if they ran out of petrol! If I were a guy and your car was clad in form fitting jeans perhaps I wouldn't mind, but as my only view is metal and tail lights, I don't understand what the purpose of this is. Someone please enlighten me.
6. Curb crawlers
We've all had to drive behind the guys who holds up traffic by driving at a snails pace because he is openly gawking at women pedestrians. Gentlemen, its unsavory and makes you look like a sexual predator. With so many women walking on the road, it's a wonder these guys ever get to their destination!
7. Cowards
Men who are intimidated by women who drive bigger and more expensive cars than their own, then call you derogatory names because they don't want to believe you could actually work and buy your own wheels. I know a lot of my sisters are reading this and agreeing with me and if you are that one male reader who just went 'nxxxxxxa!' in disgust, then I'm talking to you. Instead of being mad, appreciate a hard working sister. Who knows, she might even give you a sympathy date......
8. Haters
Ladies who hang around my car hoping the driver is a nice guy, then get irritated when they see me. These sisters are easy to spot for a mile away. They chew gum with their mouths open, stand strategically near the driver's car door and their plastic hair extensions shouldn't be in the sun for too long. Stop hating gals; if its any consolation, I test drive cars for a living so I get all the fancy wheels. Besides that, if you are selecting eligible men based on the size of the debt of their cars then your issues are not for discussion on this platform. Seek professional help.
9. R.Kelly Wanna-be's
Petrol attendants who mack women when we go to fill up- dude, what could you possibly have to offer? No disrespect, but at best you have a bicycle, and even then, you are too unfit to ride it to work. Perhaps if you could get petrol at staff discount your lyrics might be a hit with one or two ladies, but asides from that I just don't see the fit. Sorry!
10. Sexually over confident
We've all had the misfortune of seeing them, yes, guys (and women) who urinate on the side of the road. There was a time when that sort of thing was unheard of and if you needed to answer the call of nature, you did so discreetly, behind a tree or bush, but not in these times..... Motorists and passengers can be seen relieving themselves - sometimes into on coming traffic without a care. If you need to go, and there aren't any amenities in the vicinity, then by all means, into the bushes you go, but do us all a favor and retain your dignity. Having said that, whenever I have seen someone doing this, I always make a silent wish that something could jump out of the grass and bite your delicacies! (just being honest).
All time pet hate has to be driving behind a bakkie-load of labourers who seem to amuse themselves by humiliating the lady driver directly behind them with their vulgar innuendos, whistling and gesturing, causing other motorists to turn and look at the poor woman. The worst part is that in most instances, she would be too much a lady to gesture rudely back at them, even though her vehicle would be stuck behind theirs, without anywhere to go. If I did carry a sjambok in my car, I would smile seductively, gesture for one of the labourers to hop out of the bakkie, pull up along side him and sjambok him mercilessly on behalf of all the women who have ever been subjected to this type of humiliation.
The REAL reason men don't ask for directions
Adult humor asks the question: why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg? Answer: because they won't stop to ask for directions.
When I first heard this I realized that what made it so delightfully funny was that it went straight to the heart of why men hate admitting that they are hopelessly lost. I have yet to meet a man who can admit that he is lost. In fact, most men I talked to said even when they didn't know where they were going, they were not lost. A statement which left ME completely lost!
In spite of the nagging of frustrated wives the world over, nothing seems to have been able to change this aspect of a man's nature, which got me thinking. Perhaps asking why men don't ask for directions is the wrong question. Maybe, just maybe, the correct question needs to be why should men ask for directions? This led me to a scientific epiphany that I believe will earn me fame, fortune and maybe even the Nobel Peace (in marriages) prize.
The real reason men don't ask for directions is because they are genetically designed not to. Let me explain, by first going back in time, to pre-historic days and examine the roles between men and women in that era. Men were hunters and women were gathers.
As gatherers, women were rather successful. After all, they generally looked for things which didn't move about. Bushes of berries generally tend to stay in one place, hence all the gatherers needed was verbal communication to give other gatherers on how to get from the camp to the harvest, (whilst pointing out interesting landmarks such as flowers in bloom along the way). This could be why us ladies talk as much as we do, use our hands frantically when giving directions and remember landmarks more easily than we do street names.
On the other hand, hunters needed a more complex understanding of their surroundings, because as they stalked their prey, they had to know not only where they were, but also were their prey was; unlike berry bushes, the hunter's prey had a pesky little habit of running for its life. Therefore, silence was vital if they were catch their dinner, and stopping to ask for directions would have been counter productive. The humiliation of being served yet another bowl of berries was simply not an option. So there it is, men don't ask for directions because they are genetically designed to seek out their destination in silence.
But seriously, in South Africa, asking for directions is downright dangerous, and sounds the alarm to all and sundry that you are a stranger in the area, something which end very badly for your family. In all fairness ladies, when your man is driving round in circles, it could just be his way of keeping you safe!
Only through dogged determination and wrong turns can man make new discoveries, and without their errors we might not have the Discovery channel! Think about it. When Christopher Columbus had to explain to his wife that when he left home he didn't know where he was going and that when he got there, he didn't know where he was. By the time he got home to tell her that he didn't know where he had been, she had packed up the kids and gone to her mother's. This is probably round about the time someone invented maps.
But jokes aside gentlemen, next time you are lost, remember that it's costing you money. Research in Britain shows that men drive an additional 444 kms per year trying to figure out where they are. Of the 1000 participants, 26% men admitted to having driven for 30 minutes before seeking directions, while 12% flatly refused to ask for help. By contrast, 74% of women ask for directions and 37% said they pulled over immediately realized they were lost.
So men, a word of advice, Google your destination or use GPS! It will save you time, fuel and loads of money.
When I first heard this I realized that what made it so delightfully funny was that it went straight to the heart of why men hate admitting that they are hopelessly lost. I have yet to meet a man who can admit that he is lost. In fact, most men I talked to said even when they didn't know where they were going, they were not lost. A statement which left ME completely lost!
In spite of the nagging of frustrated wives the world over, nothing seems to have been able to change this aspect of a man's nature, which got me thinking. Perhaps asking why men don't ask for directions is the wrong question. Maybe, just maybe, the correct question needs to be why should men ask for directions? This led me to a scientific epiphany that I believe will earn me fame, fortune and maybe even the Nobel Peace (in marriages) prize.
The real reason men don't ask for directions is because they are genetically designed not to. Let me explain, by first going back in time, to pre-historic days and examine the roles between men and women in that era. Men were hunters and women were gathers.
As gatherers, women were rather successful. After all, they generally looked for things which didn't move about. Bushes of berries generally tend to stay in one place, hence all the gatherers needed was verbal communication to give other gatherers on how to get from the camp to the harvest, (whilst pointing out interesting landmarks such as flowers in bloom along the way). This could be why us ladies talk as much as we do, use our hands frantically when giving directions and remember landmarks more easily than we do street names.
On the other hand, hunters needed a more complex understanding of their surroundings, because as they stalked their prey, they had to know not only where they were, but also were their prey was; unlike berry bushes, the hunter's prey had a pesky little habit of running for its life. Therefore, silence was vital if they were catch their dinner, and stopping to ask for directions would have been counter productive. The humiliation of being served yet another bowl of berries was simply not an option. So there it is, men don't ask for directions because they are genetically designed to seek out their destination in silence.
But seriously, in South Africa, asking for directions is downright dangerous, and sounds the alarm to all and sundry that you are a stranger in the area, something which end very badly for your family. In all fairness ladies, when your man is driving round in circles, it could just be his way of keeping you safe!
Only through dogged determination and wrong turns can man make new discoveries, and without their errors we might not have the Discovery channel! Think about it. When Christopher Columbus had to explain to his wife that when he left home he didn't know where he was going and that when he got there, he didn't know where he was. By the time he got home to tell her that he didn't know where he had been, she had packed up the kids and gone to her mother's. This is probably round about the time someone invented maps.
But jokes aside gentlemen, next time you are lost, remember that it's costing you money. Research in Britain shows that men drive an additional 444 kms per year trying to figure out where they are. Of the 1000 participants, 26% men admitted to having driven for 30 minutes before seeking directions, while 12% flatly refused to ask for help. By contrast, 74% of women ask for directions and 37% said they pulled over immediately realized they were lost.
So men, a word of advice, Google your destination or use GPS! It will save you time, fuel and loads of money.
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
DE-FROSTING YOUR WINDSCREEN
If your car has to be parked outside overnight, & there’s a layer of ice on the windscreen in the morning, don’t use hot water to get rid of the ice. Hot water will guarantee that you damage the windscreen, especially if you have cracks/chips which will only increase in size if in contact with hot water. (Small cracks or chips in a windscreen are sensitive to sudden heat changes and a can quickly increase in size if they are subjected to a sudden change of temperature).
Rather use a scraper, an old bank card or a plastic knife, remove the ice. Use the air conditioner to demist the interior of the windscreen. When driving in cold conditions don’t use your windscreen sprayers, coz the water from the reservoir will freeze onto the windscreen and the wipers will not be able to clear it from the windscreen.
Also, check the condition of your windscreen wiper blades and replace them even if they’re cleaning the glass but are a little streaky. Wiper blades must be in good condition and need to be inspected regularly, only the edge of the wiper blade should make contact with the windscreen and not the entire rubber body of the wiper blade.
As the driver, you need to be able to see clearly out of the windscreen at all times, so take care and drive safely!
Monday, 4 July 2011
What do Real Men Drive? Maual or Automatic Transmission?
Back in the day men used to drive manual transmission largely because automatic transmission was considered a driving aid for women. However, in today’s fast paced world, men have swopped the stick for the auto and have no qualms about driving manly bakkies with auto transmission. Let’s be honest; a bakkie is meant to be the ultimate in manly cars, but to drive a rugged double cab with auto transmission is just unfair and makes men seem to be deceitful – a bit like a brawny macho guy who only has a little tiny tool for us gals to play with. Alright, I guess, on the other hand, perhaps one could say men who drive automatics are in a permanent energy saving mode as it allows them to concentrate on one pedal at a time, whilst keeping one eye on the road and another on attractive women drivers.
The argument for and against men driving manual or automatic transmission is as dated as the issue of the chicken and the egg. Whichever came first between the chicken and the egg is a selfish lover, but there is cause to pause and re-evaluate why men should drive manuals and not automatics.
No. 1 An automatic transmission is the ultimate dominatrix
The bottom line is that us women want manly men and nothing is more manly than a man who can drive a manual transmission – we can’t even say the word ‘manual’ without first saying the word ‘man’. Driving a manual not only demonstrates good multi tasking abilities, but also assures us that should the car run out of fuel, you can push it to the next petrol station - something not even The Rock can do in an automatic. We want men who drive real cars, and others who drive automatics (bakkies and 4x4s) may as well wear pink silk boxers and eye liner; because real men drive manuals.
The argument for and against men driving manual or automatic transmission is as dated as the issue of the chicken and the egg. Whichever came first between the chicken and the egg is a selfish lover, but there is cause to pause and re-evaluate why men should drive manuals and not automatics.
No. 1 An automatic transmission is the ultimate dominatrix
Men like to be in control of everything. They want to be the boss of everyone, but us women know that deep down men just want to be told what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Once again, the automatic transmission comes to the rescue as it does everything for them because when driving a manual, a man would actually have to think about clutching in, shifting gears, clutching out and balancing the fuel pedal to keep from stalling. Perhaps it would be more politically correct to say that men have so much on their minds (beer, sports, beer, braai, sports and did I mention beer?) that they don’t need the added stress of having to figure out which gear to change into, therefore an automatic car is their best choice; not only is it going to think for you, it will do it for you as well. At the core of it all, an automatic transmission is the ultimate dominatrix and it every man is her….
No.2 Pulling fancy moves in an automatic is for cheats
In the testosterone filled world of motor car racing a variety of well executed maneouvers let experienced drivers do all manner of fancy moves and one such requires the driver to change gear, rev, brake and accelerate simultaneously. This technique is very important, particularly in emergency situations (pronounced avoiding a taxi), that manufacturers have included this function in automatic transmission as well. Your passengers will be all too pleased that you averted the danger but deep down, every man who drives an automatic knows he’s not that macho and has his car to thank for that stunt.No.3 Automatics consumer more fuel
Let’s have a moment of silence for people whose cars have big engines, especially if they are automatic transmission. A driver of a big engine vehicle is likely to be on a first name basis with all the petrol attendants at their nearest fuel station because the more horsepower the engine, the more thirsty the car. Traditionally, manual transmissions have been more energy efficient than automatics, and manufacturers have cleverly started to include stop-start technology in big engines (of automatic driven vehicles) in an attempt to create better fuel efficiency.No.4 Automatic transmission cars are not as fast
Although men love speed and fast cars, they seem to be unaware that automatics are a tad slower than manuals. When driving a manual, the driver will easily find the engine’s ‘g-spot’, or point at which the engine hits a certain revving range which is its most powerful peak. In an automatic however, that sweet spot of the engine will be found but then quickly by-passed almost instantly, because the car is in control and not the driver. Alas, there is no real magic or skill required to drive an automatic and the biggest danger of that are mentioned in the point below.No.5 Automatics make men’s hands lazy
Ask any woman about the qualities she admires most in a man and next to humor, she might confess that he needs to be good with his hands; not only so that he can fix things around the house, but good hand coordination is good for adult maneouvers as well. Driving requires a certain level of good hand coordination and if a man can demonstrate skill with his hands in a car, by shifting gears smoothly enough not to make us throw up our lunch, then we would be assured he might translate that hand coordination skill to other….more pleasurable tasks too!No.6 You can’t talk macho car talk in an automatic
Driving a manual can make a man seem powerful and sexy, especially if the Fast and The Furious is your all time favourite movie series. Men always try to impress women, irrespective of marital status of either party, because they are the taller version of peacocks and cannot help showing off their feathers. It will come to pass, that at some point, a man will try to impress a woman by saying something seemingly intelligent (pronounced ‘arbitrary’) about his ride. If driving a manual, there is so much more he can say about his driving skills which will make he seem like the Tyrese Gibson of the road, whereas in an automatic he’ll just be pretty in a Brad Pitt sort of way. The bottom line is that us women want manly men and nothing is more manly than a man who can drive a manual transmission – we can’t even say the word ‘manual’ without first saying the word ‘man’. Driving a manual not only demonstrates good multi tasking abilities, but also assures us that should the car run out of fuel, you can push it to the next petrol station - something not even The Rock can do in an automatic. We want men who drive real cars, and others who drive automatics (bakkies and 4x4s) may as well wear pink silk boxers and eye liner; because real men drive manuals.
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